I'm in a state of confusion. A small voice whispers, "revenge"; revenge to all those who caused pain in the past; "revenge".
I looked my hands, I discovered that they are red, full of blood and a list of all those who caused me pai in the past untill to the recent on appears.
I looked on the wall of my bedroom. I noticed a picture of my wife. She took when she was Baptised. Beside her stood a man of God, Ben Rodgers.
As I looked at that beautifull picture of my wife, my 3 year daughter Tracy whispered music of hope in my ears: "Lord Jesus I need your touch, more than ever before..." As she sang I started to cry.
She stopped singing and stared at me, she then layed her head on my chest.
I looked at my wife's picture again and I remembered an old script she kept in my old stationery.
I moved Tracy's head gently and placed it on the folded blanket we used as a pillow. I rushed to the childrens bedroom to look for it.
It took me3 minutes to search through the stationary and I found it. I read through it. I first looked for the date it was written, but I could find none.
This is my wifes writing, written on an old piece of paper, " I have never been this happy in my life. I might be still going through hardships in my life, but I am always happy because I know that there is someone out there who cares about me and loves me dearly. The person I'm talking about is my fiance, Solomon." Reads the script. I just paused and smiled.
"This man changed my life completely. I met him at a point where I did not have any hope in life. I felt so useless and unappreciated. He just knows how to say the right words." I paused and looked arond and I only saw my daughter sleeping innocently by my side.
"Solomon is an ever laughing person, who respects, loves and cares for other people. He would sacrifice anything, just to help another human. He has a welcoming heart and he is also so helpfull. he is always himself and never pretends to be someone else."Solomon taught me one important thing, that I should keep in life. He said, there is no better person that you can be, besides yourself.
"I feel so free when I'm around him, I feel as though I can tell him anything and I know that he will never judge me.
"One thing I know about Solomon is that, he hates to be described and claims that no one knows him. He does not want someone to tell him about himself because he knows himself."
"The reason why I say I have never been happy in my life is because I have never found someone like Solomon.
"My past relationships where not as interesting, fun, motivating and crazy like I am in now."
"I was always treated like a "trophy girlfriend." The reason, I am saying this is because whenever I wanted to go out with them or just want to see them, they would be too busy to meet with me. They only came to see me when they wanted to, in their own time, not on my time."
"I have a bad reputation of guys just leaving me without telling me where they are off to. They would leave from province to province without even saying , goodbye Presh or It's over between us Presh."
"You know, coming to think about it, I am not surprised now, why they all left without saying goodbye. My father also did the very same thing. He left my mother, my little brother and myself, without saying goodbye. He has created a pattern in my life"
"I am now gratefull that they all left me, because I was not going to find my Mr. right. The relationship I am in now is my longest relationship ever. Normally, I would date a guy for atleast three months and the shortest time I have dated a guy was for two weeks"
I read through the whole script not realizing that I was now reading the last sentence. God, this woman loves me. Out of everything that had happened in the past, surely, Precious loves me.
She is God's gift to me. I realised the purpose of me living; living even when people were causing pain and hurt to me.
Thank you love. I will live for God, for you, my daughters and for God's people.
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